Grit and Aikido

I started taking the Japanese martial art known as Aikido in the fall of 2006. From that point forward, I was hooked. Aikido is by no means easy. I don't care how easy the people practicing it make it look, it isn't. Add to that I'm 40 and not in the best physical condition and you can imagine how that makes it much more difficult from time to time.

Tonight was one of those nights. All day I was very tired. Thanks in large part due to the previous night's practice where we practiced hard. Looking forward to practice? No. Why? Namely because we were doing a 3 hour practice. I was so tired and the thought of going to practice was not something I was looking forward to at all. I seriously thought about skipping.

But, I went. Even though I really just wanted to go home and laze about. Still, I went. I went because there is something about this martial art that calls me. I went because I made a promise to myself. When I started this and decided to continue on with it, regardless how hard it was for me to muster the motivation, I wasn't quitting.

I would be lying if I said that practice went smoothly and I walked away feeling a sense of relief. It wasn't. This was one of the more difficult practices. I was completely frustrated with myself. I felt as if every time my sparring partner and I were attempting to do as Sensei instructed I couldn't accomplish what he wanted. I felt like a failure. I was sucking wind, my chest and head were pounding and I was to the point of complete exhaustion. I even felt as if I were going to puke at one point.

Then, Sensei called us to come and kneel down in front of him. He began speaking to us about being frustrated and tired, etc. He then said, "You have an aptitude for Aikido. The moves are there, but you have to be patient." There was much more said and I am paraphrasing, obviously. But, of everything he had said, that was the one thing that hit me because I realized he was talking to me.

We took our break, resumed practice and while it got no easier and even at one point I was hurt from being stepped on not once but twice, something went off in my mind like a flare. Something that made me realize a truth about myself that I hadn't really ever grasped.

If someone had met me 5 or 10 years ago, they would've encountered a very different person. At my core, I am the person I've always been. But, I was lacking confidence in myself. I was unsure and I was in several areas quite weak. I had no "ki" as we call it in Aikido. Now, however, there is something very different about me. There is a confidence. Some kind of internal knowledge that didn't exist until I took Aikido.

I know when I step on the mat that no matter what the outcome, I will not quit. No matter how much I hurt or am sore, quitting is not something that even enters my mind. Would I like to be at home resting or off having fun with friends? Sure. But for all of the positive things Aikido gives me, I am more than willing to sacrifice my time, my energy and even my body.

I have found something within myself that was never there before – Grit. Grit that comes from striving for something I may never achieve. From never giving up or giving in. I think that is why I earned a rank of 5th kyu my first semester. Not because I'm better or because I have more polished technique. I think deep down it's because I refuse to give up. Because I do Aikido with heart. Sometimes that and Ki are the only things I have in practice after a long hard week.

So, I came to this realization today after practice. With my body hurting and sore. My feet in pain from being bumped and stepped on. The swollen area on my shin that was stomped on where there will surely be an ugly bruise tomorrow. All of these are my badges of honor. Each time I fall on that mat, I become a better Aikidoka. Not because I execute the technique with precision and perfection. No. I become better by learning to fall.

I realize lay people may not understand the concept. Falling? That's insane. But, for Aikidoka, the practice is 50% falling and the rest is throwing. So I think I've realized I really should love falling. I should relish every time I'm thrown down as it sharpens my Aikido and my mind.

After all I've done in my life and all the times I've let myself or others down, in this instance I embrace the fact that I can be good at this one thing. Not only do I love Aikido, I will strive to be great at it one day. I may never get there, but I have the heart not to give up. Heart is the thing that never quits.

Tawashi Crochet

I found a post on craftstylish.com awhile back on how to make a japanese crochet item called "tawashi". The particular ones I liked were the round ones. Since figuring out how to crochet (thanks again YouTube!) I am broadening my ideas on what projects I'd like to do.

I got some Lily Sugar n Cream cotton yarn for a great price at Michaels, came straight home and started to crochet.

Here's the result!

There are a couple of mistakes but given that it is the second project I've done, I'm quite pleased. I did take this with my iPhone, so please excuse the poor quality.

Knitting a Prayer Shawl

Anyone who has ever knitted a prayer shawl knows it is an undertaking, to say the least. Well, I should qualify that by saying I chose a size yarn and needles that would never make for a quick knit.

I've spent the past month on a prayer shawl that I am making for my mom. It is not difficult, but I did manage to make it incredibly time-consuming. Add to the level of time involved, I've had to rip back twice and start anew.

The first time was due to a series of dropped stitches. The second, while fixing dropped stitches, I lost several rows down. Rather than going through the rigamarole of trying to reset the stitches I just decided to pull back and start over. Well, 3 rows turned into about 12-15. What frustration!

Anyway, I'm back at it today, started again at break. I think taking the couple of days off to play with crocheting granny squares helped me. The shawl needs to be a thoughtful and meaningful knit, not one of frustration. It is a silly thought, but I believe that any negativity associated with its creation would come across in the garment. Yes, silly but hey that's how I roll...haha.

I love knitting. I love doing things with my hands. What an odd experience it is at the age of 40 to suddenly find myself enjoying handmade after years and years of being a person who loves doing things on computer. I'm experiencing a renaissance I suppose. A rebirth of sorts. I'm going through a time in my life where time is what I want to spend on things. Ironic I guess since time seems to be something I have little to spend. But, while I'm in good health, I want to spend time filling my life with things that bring me joy. Not all of the time, but most of it if I can. And, it should be noted that by joy I mean joy in little things. The mundane things of life that while insignificant do have value to those that count.

Thanks for reading these random and likely very silly thoughts. I appreciate anyone hearing what nonsense comes from my brain.

Granny Obsessed!

As is customary with my interests, I find something I like and then suddenly become enthralled. This is the case with granny squares. I succeeded with my first two attempts yesterday and today while getting V-day gifts for my secret pal at work I bought some cotton yarn to try out.

I have to say at first the cotton yarn frustrated me. Since I just recently managed to learn crocheting granny squares, I think the two new things together was daunting. But, I didn't give up. I ended up making two after work and a 3-hour Aikido practice this evening.

The cotton feels so incredibly soft but also has a bit more of a sturdy feel to it than the soft yarn I used for my mom's shawl project. I don't know how the costs compare, but I'd love to have something made out of this cotton yarn like socks or dishcloths.

Anyway, see below and you'll see the results of my efforts. The yarn colors are two different skeins of ombre I Love This Cotton yarn from Hobby Lobby. Ironically theses were meant for Christmas, but I love the colors. I'm very pleased!

Crochet....YES, I said Crochet!

Ok, if you took the time to read previous posts you know of my frustration with the art of crochet. For years I've admired those who deftly crochet any number of gorgeous projects. Of late, I've been intensely envious of my friend Amber who has taken up crochet and run with it. She's made hats and recently the cutest little birds. I've been wanting to try Amigurumi and here she's gone and done it! Color me pea green with envy. =)

In the last year, I have developed a growing interest in fiber arts. I've been watching youtube tutorials on how to knit, drop spindle yarn and crocheting. Crochet for me was confusing and frustrating, forcing me in my impatient youth to throw down the hook and yarn thinking I'd never return.

Never say never folks! Today I actually managed to crochet something! After watching several online tut's about making a granny square I finally attempted one myself. I will not post a pic until I've completed one, but I will say this as a bit of a teaser: it's looking like an actual granny square!

Yeah me!

Pics to come shortly.....I hope.

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TA-DA!

Knitting Projects now and future

Ok, so if you know me, you are aware that I've been knitting a prayer shawl for my mom. It's not one of those shawls you throw together in a matter of a week with a bulky weight yarn and larger needles. It's made with Caron's Simply Soft using size 9 needles.

In retrospect I think this was not the best choice. I say that in jest, somewhat, as the feel and look of the shawl is really nice. It's not filled with fancy stitches or lace, but is instead a step above the basic garter or stockinette stitch. I don't know if I love it, but I do love the colors.

When I get a chance, I'll take a pic and share it.

I hope my mom uses this shawl. It's a shawl I have made with the prayer constantly in my thoughts that it bring her healing. My mom is not in the best of health. She hasn't been for many years. My mom suffers from chronic asthma. Compounded with other health issue, it makes her daily life a struggle. For her, the simple act of getting out of a car and walking into a store is a trial.

As adults we not only have to watch ourselves age, which in and of itself is not fun. But, we also have to watch our parents age as well. It saddens me once in awhile to think of them as old, but one day they will be elderly, a definition that never seems to gel in my mind.

I look at my mom and dad and see two people that resemble my parents, but who are also very different. When I picture them in my mind, I always see them as they were when they were younger. Vibrant, fun-loving people who took us to Colorado to ride motorcycles and various other trips and outings.

I think of them as young but I know that this is the cycle of life. I know one day they won't be here.

So, in the smallest of ways, I tried to express to them my affection by knitting them things. For my dad a bulky knit cap to warm his head as he is out in the cold driving a truck 6 days out of 7. And, as mentioned before, for my mom a shawl to cover herself it warmth both from it and from me.

But I digress, as the title states there are also projects I want to try in the future. To name a few: a double knitted item yet to be determined, a new laptop sleeve, socks, mittens and eventually.....gasp.....gloves! Stay tuned. ;)

Knitting, Crafts and what not

I'm an avid reader of different craft blogs. I, in fact, love them. I also enjoy doing a few myself. From time to time I'm going to make a concerted effort to actually post some pics of projects I'm working on. These vary from sewing, knitting and screen printing among other things. Who knows what will capture my fancy these days!

Now I'm new to knitting, so don't expect gorgeous sweaters and such until, oh, maybe mid-year? I am kidding, obviously.

Why do I love knitting? Hard to say. Actually I find it odd that a passion for knitting emerged after quitting crochet in a fit of frustration. Without a video to guide me, I just didn't get crochet at all. Evidence of that confusion came in the form of some very sad looking trapezoids that were meant to be rectangles. Suffice it say, my personality is the type that once I feel frustrated, going to back to a thing takes some time.

Alas, after years away from yarn, I decided to attempt knitting. All I can say is thank God for web sites and YouTube! I learned at an exponential rate how to do, not only the basic knit and purl stitches, but also various other more advanced techniques. Then came the love and passion for knitting so many out there share. I find these video tutorials invaluable.

Being a creative in my professional career, my brain has always been more attuned to the visual and hands-on approach to things. For me reading is something I do for enjoyment not instruction. I can do it, but getting how to work a stitch for me is not cemented until I have needles in hand and practice while simultaneously watching a video. I can't explain it, but that's how my brain functions I suppose.

Among the many other things I am trying to learn at the young age of 40....haha....I am also sewing and screen printing. I bought myself a Yudu and two Print Gocco's last year. What fun! So, here I am a woman who works two jobs, takes Aikido two nights a week and is now trying to cram as much of these other extracurricular activities in as well.

I wonder if I might be overextending myself?

At least it'll be fun.

Cheers people!

Wow, back in business!

After forgetting about my blog I decided to jump back into it again. So, now the problem is....what in the world am I going to blog about?