Double Knitting you say?

Well, I did the test gauge and even started a double knit hat on my circular knitting needles, attempting to knit it in the round. As with some projects I decided I disliked how it was progressing and frogged it back. In fact, I unraveled the whole thing, rewound my yarn and set it down. Thus far I have yet to restart it.

Why? I am not sure. I'm really tired this week. I was out sick Monday with a migraine and that basically set the tone for the week, at least for how I felt about doing that project over. I felt superb yesterday, then of course I went to Aikido...haha!

Aikido went all right. I won't lie and say that for me it's easy, it's most definitely not. I pulled a muscle in my shoulder and then one in my right hip. To take Aikido is something that requires either a half-hearted attempt at practice or outright obsession. I don't know where I fall within the spectrum on that, to be entirely truthful. I think, though, I border on obsession. A person has to be obsessed to put themselves through this much physical discomfort.

I love Aikido. I can honestly say that despite all of the pain and self-imposed frustration I deal with every week I practice, I would probably be doing Aikido every day if I could stand up to the physical rigors it requires. Is it a fortunate circumstance for me, then, that I cannot do it everyday?

Honestly, I don't know if my body would hold up to it or eventually become conditioned and improve.

I have never been a physically talented person, or perhaps that has been an error in my thinking. A person who has been overweight almost her entire life tends to view herself as lacking in physical ability. (That person I'm referring to is me by the way.) I was always too short for basketball, and running? Ha! I can't run. I don't have the build for it. I am top heavy, which means I have weakness in my ankles that makes running very hard. If chased by a pyscho wielding a knife, though, yes I would most definitely manage to run.

So, what made me want to do Aikido? I ask myself that, often. It isn't the cool factor because for me there is zero coolness. Yeah sure there is the white gi against the black hakama pants. Yes, that does tend to look cool. But work out one time with both on and you begin to understand that cool is never part of the equation. It is a nod to the lineage and history of Aikido, a way of honoring the founder and the Japanese samurai history. It is neither comfortable nor fun to wear while being thrown about on the mat. Think I'm exaggerating? Then you don't know what is truly involved in Aikido.

So why do it? Because I love it. I don't know why. Every other attempt at some kind of exercise has always left me feeling hatred for its creator...LOL. But with Aikido, it's something I feel is completely right. I feel it to the marrow of my bones: I'm supposed to be doing this. ME!?! Yes, me.

So what does Aikido have to do with knitting? Nothing. But for me, this feeling of making something brings me the same sort of satisfaction. It is also something I feel I intuitively know how to do before I even start a project. Yes, I say to myself, this feels right.

I can't explain it anymore than I can explain Aikido. But I love them both.

So, this weekend I return to the double knitting project. At least I'll start it. Will it be gorgeous and lovely? Who knows. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For me, the beauty lies in learning to do the thing at all, not in doing it well.

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So it's later tonight after I've done the 3 hour Aikido practice. We did rolls. Forward rolls, that is. They are supposed to be quite simple. You squat down with your hips squared forward, bend down with your arms forming a circle, back leg perpendicular to your front leg which is facing straight. At this point you tuck your head, push off with your back foot and your hips roll over and you end up in the same position.

This is how it is "supposed" to happen. Of all the things that I can and can't do, forward rolls are my nemesis. I don't care how many times I tell myself, "bring your hip over the top" I can't do it. It is something that frustrates me. I grow more and more frustrated and end up doing worse and worse.

Now, I could use the excuse of being exhausted and since it was near the end of practice I was too tired to do the rolls right. Let's face it, no excuses will change the fact that no matter what I always seem to skew right or left and my hips? HA! There is no "over the top" happening.

So, I need a new approach. I need to correct the thinking and then follow suit with the physical correction. I need to believe I can roll.

For now, I'm going to bed.